Back in the Hole

These past 10 days of the kids' spring break have been long and mostly tough.  Stuck at home, both by financial necessity and then as each family member excluding myself, got the stomach flu 2 days apart.  First Aubs, then Micah, then Pete, then Pieter.  I spent 3 nights on the couch, mostly awake and cleaning up rugs and couch covers and rinsing puke buckets.  Getting cool washcloths, and soothing my family.  
We did in this time also:
Adopt Seahawk
Visit the Skyzone trampoline center for a half an hour.  This was fun and hard.   It was $33 for the 3 kids for 30 min.  So they complained it was too short.  Also, Pieter hurt his back trying to slam on the basketball hoops, and Micah got very upset when he got "out" during dodge ball fairly quickly.  Mostly because he was playing with kids in high school and jr. high and he's in 2nd.  He struggles so much with wanting perfection.
One day we also went bowling with Grams, as I had free bowling coupons and we just had to rent shoes.
I changed another flat tire, thankfully just in our own driveway.
And we went for a little family hike (where my neck hurt immensely, Pieter's back was hurting him and Aubrey lost one of her new suction cup arrows.)
But who takes pictures of the stressful things? Rarely me, unless I am trying to find the good in them or asking for prayers...
So tomorrow the kids go back to school and tonight Pete goes back to Detroit and I start my regular routine of everyone's therapy and dr appointments, my PT, and doing what I have to for keeping the household running. No rest for the weary.
Perhaps it is the gray skies and rain today - although it was rainy yesterday as well and I do love the smell and sound of warm rain - but I am back in the pit.  Back in the darkness. Swirling awful thoughts keeping me from enjoying anything and everything.
Feeling feelings and thinking thoughts that are too heavy to write online, and just wanting to curl up in a ball and have it be bedtime, all the time.
My game face will be back on in the morning, but I'm just worn out.  2 weeks my emotions were mostly under control even through tough struggles, but now they have again plummeted.  
Hanging tight to that knot 
in the end of my rope.





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