Blogging by Dee

But maybe someday I will. Because I tell everyone else the same thing, but I'm way worse than that. http://findingjoy.net/dear-sweet-mom-who-feels-like-she-is/

Poorly executed but you get the gist. https://www.facebook.com/BuzzFeedVideo/videos/1712578708883004/

This trusted man was once a missionary kid like me.  He now is in charge of inpatient psychiatry at the hospital I have been in 7 times (2 at another facility and 1 at their downtown campus = 10.) He has sat down with me many times when I have been in the hospital and given me amazing analogies of God's love.  I follow his blog and he recently replied to one of my replies.  His response is just what I needed. (I am the "blog reader.") from his blog: " LIVING IN THE CHURCH AS A PERPETUAL MISFIT " A blog reader writes: “My problem is, having followed your  outline well, and with Christian friends who have then decided that I am, in fact, too much of a burden because my depression never goes away (2.5 years all-treatment-resistant and out of medications to try.) I have lost friends forever for this specific reason – that was the reason they gave me. Now I have lost trust in telling people the truth of my story and the help I may need, even just asking for non-speci...

PLUMB LYRICS "Need You Now (How Many Times)" Well, everybody's got a story to tell And everybody's got a wound to be healed I want to believe there's beauty here 'Cause oh, I get so tired of holding on I can't let go, I can't move on I want to believe there's meaning here How many times have you heard me cry out "God please take this"? How many times have you given me strength to Just keep breathing? Oh I need you God, I need you now. Standing on a road I didn't plan Wondering how I got to where I am I'm trying to hear that still small voice I'm trying to hear above the noise How many times have you heard me cry out "God please take this"? How many times have you given me strength to Just keep breathing? Oh I need you God, I need you now. Though I walk, Though I walk through the shadows And I, I am so afraid Please stay, please stay right beside me With every single step I take How many times have you heard me cry ou...

I feel guilty for pretty much everything I do, and am constantly feeling like I have failed everyone I love. Most all day, every day. This was a good read today. From Jesus Calling Devotional May 9 Don’t be so hard on yourself.  I can bring good even out of your mistakes.Your finite mind tends to look backward, longing to undo decisions you have come to regret. This is a waste of time and energy, leading only to frustration. Instead of floundering in the past, release your mistakes to Me. Look to Me in trust, anticipating that My infinite creativity can weave both good choices and bad into a lovely design. Because you are human, you will continue to make mistakes. Thinking that you should live an error-free life is symptomatic of pride. Your failures can be a source of blessing, humbling you and giving you empathy for other people in their weaknesses. Best of all, failure highlights your dependence on Me. I am able to bring beauty out of the morass of your mistakes. Trust Me, and w...

Is this honestly how everyone else's life really works and I just can't take it?!? I can't go 24 hours, not even 12 hours without something horrible shattering my hopes. I pray, I read my Bible, I put my faith where it should be. I take my medications, I see my therapist more than is fiscally possible, and my psychiatrist, and do everything I am "supposed to be doing."  But ALWAYS,  usually within one hour of possible hope, they are dashed, that it is just never going to happen and all goes to trash. Something always comes up more important.  It's unnerving and disheartening, depressing and hopelessness-bringing. I don't remember the last 24 hours I was truly calm and relaxed not to mention a week. It is rare that I am awake more than 60 minutes without something just breaking my heart. Again.

Hello, My Name Is "Hello, my name is regret I’m pretty sure we have met Every single day of your life I’m the whisper inside That won’t let you forget Hello, my name is defeat I know you recognize me Just when you think you can win I’ll drag you right back down again ‘Til you’ve lost all belief Oh, these are the voices. Oh, these are the lies And I have believed them for the very last time Hello, my name is child of the one true King I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, I have been set free "Amazing Grace" is the song I sing Hello, my name is child of the one true King I am no longer defined By all the wreckage behind The one who makes all things new Has proven it’s true Just take a look at my life Hello, my name is child of the one true King I've been saved, I've been changed, I have been set free "Amazing Grace" is the song I sing Hello, my name is child of the one true King What love the Father has lavished upon us that we should be called His childre...

I feel shame more than any other feeling - guilt that I don't need to feel. Much of it is due to my feeling of letting people I love down. But! Jesus Callng Devotional May 3 You cannot serve two masters. If I am truly your Master, you will desire to please Me above all others. If pleasing people is your goal, you will be enslaved to them. People can be harsh taskmasters when you give them this power over you. If I am the Master of your life, I will also be your First Love. Your serving Me is rooted and grounded in My vast, unconditional Love for you. The lower you bow down before Me, the higher I lift you up into intimate relationship with Me. The Joy of living in My Presenceoutshines all other pleasures. I want you to reflect My joyous Light by living in increasing intimacy with Me.

https://www.thecalmzone.net/2015/01/first-person-dying-of-depression-the-words-are-not-enough/ A great read. Yes, you can die from depression, especially left either untreated or treatment-resistant. Yes, it is like cancer, please stop spreading the stigma that it isn't or someone with depression "doesn't have it so bad." Come on, be compassionate.