Every Day

Is this honestly how everyone else's life really works and I just can't take it?!?
I can't go 24 hours, not even 12 hours without something horrible shattering my hopes.
I pray, I read my Bible, I put my faith where it should be.
I take my medications, I see my therapist more than is fiscally possible, and my psychiatrist, and do everything I am "supposed to be doing." 
But ALWAYS,  usually within one hour of possible hope, they are dashed, that it is just never going to happen and all goes to trash. Something always comes up more important. 
It's unnerving and disheartening, depressing and hopelessness-bringing.
I don't remember the last 24 hours I was truly calm and relaxed not to mention a week. It is rare that I am awake more than 60 minutes without something just breaking my heart.
Again.

Comments

Post a Comment

Thanks for your comment!

Popular posts from this blog

K Journey Update!

People often ask me about my ketamine experience - especially since I’ve been doing it since the early days, before most clinics had protocols for mental health. So I wanted to share my journey: the awkward beginnings, the hope, the setbacks, and the healing. I’m an almost-50-yr-old mom to three adults, and have had PTSD since childhood, anxiety and depression since early childhood, but received no diagnoses until I was 30. I’ve been in therapy since my diagnoses. Ive been inpatient 10x (2007-2015), I’ve tried over 40 medications, many natural remedies, a healthier body, ECT shock therapy, TMS, genetic testing, and have been to Cleveland Clinic and Mayo Clinic for my mental health. NOTHING helped until I tried Ketamine. I heard about it in 2015 and knew I wanted to try it. Unfortunately there were no clinics near me then, and the cost was $1500 per IV session. Not doable. I waited until 2017 when my pain clinic offered it, then at $350 a session no more insurance coverages. In 2020 my ...
Read more

Sleep vastly improved!

I can now stay up most nights until 9 and wake up at 7 feeling refreshed! This is HUGE! I still don’t do much during the day due to pain, but I feel hope inside and not constantly covered by a cloud of depression. I feel some anxiety that the treatment isn’t going to help the pain (maybe it is an underlying condition that a dr needs to get on top of? Or maybe I am just too sensitive?) But my anxiety is down to like a 3 from a 8-9 which is wonderful and my depression is down to zero from an 8-9. Thank you God! Thanks Nick for sticking with me and not giving up. I feel like I’m getting my life back! I’m still hoping to figure out this hand tingling and pain (again maybe pinched nerves in my neck too which we know are there, I’ve had hand tingling on and off for years this is just worse the last few days and I don’t know why, ketamine should decrease not increase pain.) I’m such an odd duck. 🤦‍♀️
Read more