Last Resorts

With nothing else working for my pain, I had another facet joint injection today (which hurts horribly right now and did last time for 2 days, but then offered about 2 weeks of relief.  Assuming I receive another few weeks of relief, this semi-scary procedure is sheduled for Aug 5.  
http://meddb.eznetpublish.ihealthspot.com/tabid/9153/mid/14786/ContentPubID/896/ContentClassificationGroupID/-1/ViewIndex/0/Default.aspx

Its a last resort move.

With my general practitioner giving up on me, I have a new patient appointment scheduled with a new dr on August 13, their first opening.

Its a last resort move.

With absolutely nothing at all evening touching my horrible depression and having tried over 80% of the antidepressants on the market as well as shock therapy (ECT), my psychiatrist is working with my insurance to get them to cover this semi-frightening therapy. 

http://neurostar.com/neurostar-tms-depression-treatment/

Nothing as bad as ECT, but I keep reading it only has 14-17% positive results. Locally they have only had it for 6 months and have had about a 50% success rate.

Its a last resort move.

I am only 37, how can I already be at the last resort for making my life bearable?? I know with my entire being that my God could heal me today if He wanted, but it doesn't seem that that is the path He has for me, and that is not what He is choosing.  

I spend each day close to tears, on and off in tears, and dreading every upcoming hour.  I pray and try to focus on the exact moment I am in, but even that is too overwhelming.  I simply have no strength left to hang on.  Thankfully for now my God is holding on for me, for how much longer i do not know.  All I can do is pray and cry and cry and pray. 

Its always been my first, middle, and last resort.  

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