I've Been Thinking

You know, I complain a lot.  Which is really sad because people who complain a lot are not really fun to be around. And that would explain a lot about why people don't want to hang around with me very often although I do have quite a few friends that are not super close but they still like me.

I really don't want to be a complainer. I just keep on doing it. Somehow I need to find a way to focus on my blessings. I do write at least one blessing a day in the journal this private for just me, but I think I need to focus on what comes out of my mouth and when I type online to also be as much positive as possible instead of so much negative.

Yes, I do have a ton of stress in my life. And it does overwhelm me and some days I just can't handle it at all actually, most days. But, I'm trying to do better. I don't want to be that person who is always complaining and nobody likes to hang around with them because all they do is complain complain complain.

I need to figure out how to get my frustrations out of my head so that I don't think about them but yet not complain to others about them this blog might these answer. I'm not sure it because it's still available for people to read, but no one has read it in a long time, and no one really knows that it's here. But I might be better off just keeping my journal on my phone instead of publishing it the Internet as there's really no reason for everyone to be able to read it.

It does seem to help me a lot to write things down and get them out of my head so I'm not focusing on them. And, I do sometimes like the input of others, but usually only when it's supportive and positive. I don't do well with negative comments or criticisms, not well at all. And criticisms and comments that are negative are part of life they can help us grow. I just don't know why I can't handle them at all. It seems like the end of the world if someone says something critical of me even if it's in a positive way to help me figure out how to do things better. Even if it's because they care about me. I can handle the criticism from Pete, because I know that he's really trying to help me. And I trust him.

I'm just so overwhelmed so often so much of the time. I'm really tired of being irritable and agitated and grumpy. And complaining. And I'm tired of not liking myself but I like myself you unless when I'm like this and like this seems to have gone on for most, if not all, of my life.

Just rambling I guess.