Time to start the weight loss again

I keep telling myself fat I can't work on my mental health and try to lose weight at the same time.  Trying to lose weight doesn't make me happy, it makes me grumpy and frustrated.  I'm not allowed to run, with two herniated discs, that would be asking for surgery much sooner.  I can walk and will start again today.  I can do certain weights, and am actually feeling ill today but will start tomorrow with the weights.  

Yesterday after my dr appt, I received my digital paperwork when I got home and at the end it said something along the lines of this: we are required tell you that your BMI falls in the obese range (it is 31.0) and a healthy BMI should be under 25.  Studies have shown that people with higher BMIs lives 6-30 years shorter, and are more at risk for heart attack, etc etc etc  Here are links and things that can help you lose weight and become healthier.  Ok. Thanks.  I appreciate not hearing this in person, and none of my doctors: pain clinic, main, neuro, psych, therapist, PT, has EVER said a word

about my weight. Yes, I am quite aware that I gained 40-50 lbs about 5 years ago or so and need to lose 30-40 to be healthier. I actually spent 2 weeks researching the primal diet and wrote out grocery lists and meals plans for 2 weeks, knowing it would be more expensive and a whole new lifestyle but also knowing I needed to try. 

Then on a primal forum someone talked

about the carb flu and how you will fell like the worst flu ever for 3 days to 2 months as your body adjusts.   This obviously scared me as I am already not allowed 2 parts of primal (lift heavy things and sprints.) A responder told me I was being a drama queen and to suck it up and said, don't take this wrong, I am saying it because I care.  Someone I had never talked to oreg in my life.  So I angrily decided this is not the healthy eating plan for me.

Follow me here, this will make sense.

On the church women's retreat this weekend, they had a pampering room where you could go and pamper yourself with a table full of nail polish, some foot soaks, lotions and things to pamper yourself with. 

I was in this room without my group, as I ended up without my group quite a bit because the retreat was not scheduled well to spend special time with just your group. Anyway, I was looking at the polishes and a lady came over and asked when my baby was due. Seriously.  I tried to laugh and said that I am not pregnant. She said, no seriously, when is it due? And giggled like she knew a secret. I said I have had a hysterectomy, there is definitely no baby in there.  She said, aw, so you must have a tiny baby at home then, how old? I said my youngest is 9 years. I held it together here but I just wanted to cut my stomach right off at that point. She finally apologized and said she was surprised because I really did look pregnant and she would never have said anything otherwise.  She used to be an RN she said and she didn't want to hurt people by saying that.  I said oh it's ok I have a severe swayback (I do) and maybe that was it. She said yeah that was probably it and I left.

I am 37 years old.  I should not be in this shape weight-wise, physically broken-wise, completely mentally brown-wise.  I have continued to say I cannot work on my weight while I work on my mental health. But while trying a specific antipsychotic (off-label antidepressant) for anxiety attacks and sleep, I have gained back 12 of the 18 lbs I lost in April when I was sick. I am in daily pain in my neck especially, and in daily pain emotionally.  So here goes.  Walking my 10,000 steps again daily, 50g of carbs at most a day and protein and certain veggies only.  Watch out because when I don't eat carbs I feel even more depressed and agitated. I feel like I should live alone while I do this.  

Sigh.